


Changes

by letalestrange



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age of Ultron, Civil War, F/M, Infinity War, Post Infinity War, The Winter Solider - Freeform, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 13:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17060474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letalestrange/pseuds/letalestrange
Summary: Their relationship has changed, deepened just as their love has. It’s a journey, one they want to do by each other’s sides.orFive times Steve and Natasha shared a bed and nothing happened and one time something did.





	Changes

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve been working on this for what seems like forever. It’s taken a lot of time so Kudos would be appreciated. Also I will be posting more after Friday as my school breaks up for Christmas then and I will no longer be drowning in gcse work.

1.

The first time they share a bed it’s after one of their first missions together as partners. They were stranded in Oslo and the hotel that was dubbed the safest to stay in by shield only had one room available.

Steve, ever the gentleman had offered to take the floor but she had cut him off with a look that screamed annoyance and wordlessly walked off to change in the bathroom.

When she came back he had already been in bed, tucked under the thin duvet looking so uncomfortable that she almost laughed. Almost.

She had climbed into bed, trying to disturb him as little as possible. It felt so wrong for her partner to be him and not Clint. She didn’t begrudge Clint the time with his family but she missed having him with her. Clint was solid, dependable and she trusted him. He knew her, knew her weaknesses, hell he even knew which way she took her coffee. Steve was uncharted territory. Apart from the battle of New York they had never worked together and she had no idea about anything in his personal life. In all he was a mystery.

If she wanted to be truthful however she could ascertain that she wasn’t much better. She kept herself to herself, liking her privacy too much to bother opening up to anyone. Everyone was scared of her, even Clint and her files were so classified that only agents with the highest clearance could get access. 

Even after the battle of New York all she had gotten was a pat on the back and a well done from Fury, after which she was sent straight back to work. The praise for the other heroes like Iron man, Captain America and even the hulk had lasted for months. No matter what she did to try to redeem her past it simply wasn’t enough.

Sighing heavily she rolled over. She couldn’t afford to get wound up during a mission. Being like that led to emotions and emotions were something Natasha had taught herself to cancel out years ago. They simply didn’t help in situations like this.

Her new positioning meant that she was facing Steve who had fallen asleep. As he slept she unconsciously ran her eyes over his face wondering what it would be like to caress those cheeks, to kiss those lips. 

Stop. She caught herself. There was no way she was falling for Steve Rogers of all people. As if she needed even more complexity in her life.

Forcing herself to turn away she rolled in the opposite direction again. Even if Steve did like her a relationship simply wasn’t feasible in her life so there was no point in hoping for one.

Sleep was a long time in coming.

2.

Natasha had never felt so exposed in her life. She had nothing left to hide behind, no alias to adopt. All she had left was her. The real her. Everything about her was out there. Thousands upon thousands of people knew everything about her.

For someone who had lived a life like Natasha’s this was especially concerning. She made enemies as easily as she breathed and some of those enemies wouldn’t hesitate to come crashing through the doors and kill her. She had just helped take down a terrorist organisation for god sake. Of course she had some new enemies.

These were just a few of the reasons she wasn’t at her apartment the others being that the address was now exposed to everyone including the press and she didn’t fancy having them camping outside her front door.

For this reason she was hanging out in Steve’s hospital room. The super solider was watching her with something akin to concern in his eyes. He had never seen her this weak. Never seen her this vulnerable. It must have been unnerving to him to see one of the strongest women he knew sitting there seemingly having a crisis of mortality.

Even if he thought this however he didn’t show it. Clearing his throat he said in a half whisper, plainly not expecting a reaction “Natasha.” At the sound of her name she spun around, hastily wiping her eyes.

Steve felt pity for her at that moment. She was always blaming herself for everything because of her past. Sometimes it was like she thought that she was a bad luck charm. 

Painfully he shifted over in his bed, making room for her. Hesitantly she clambered in and once she was arranged in a comfortable position he began. 

“Natasha you need to stop blaming yourself for everything. None of it’s your fault and quite frankly you were amazing on that helicarrier. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

She was really crying now, tears running down her porcelain cheeks. “Steve you always see the good in everyone.”

He rolled his eyes, half teasingly half in exasperation. “And you’re too hard on yourself.”

She sniffed and gave him a half smile. He pulled her into him, the warm solid weight of her comforting him and the hug eventually lulling them both into unconsciousness. 

3.

She doesn’t want to move, too exhausted from the events of the day to even think about getting up but the rest of them are downstairs and she knows it would only worry them more if she didn’t reappear. They had seen her weak enough in the past few days. 

She still can’t get the memories of the Maximoffs attack out of her mind. It had shaken her to her core, drawn up memories that she wished to suppress and left her with vivid flashbacks of the aforementioned times. She really was an emotionally unstable mess.

She heard someone clearing their throat in the doorway and looked up to find Steve standing there looking worried.

She attempted to smile at him, knowing how pathetic she much look, hiding from her teammates. It was ridiculous, she had endured far worse than this, had been tortured by a psychopath for God’s sake. Surely she could handle some bad memories. 

These weren’t just any bad memories however, they were the worst from her past, the ones that haunted her even now, years later. She didn’t want to dwell on them for any longer than was strictly necessary so Steve was a welcome distraction. He lowered himself down on the bed and reached over to take her hand all while asking “are you ok?”

She forced a smile, willing her walls to come back up “why wouldn’t I be?”

He shifted uncomfortably. This was new territory for him. “Bruce is a fool. He should never have left you. If I were in his shoes I would cherish you.”

A lump seemed to have formed in her throat. Of course he would want to talk about Bruce. Of course he would.

Bruce’s betrayal had hurt her more than anything. It had taken her a long time to confide in someone and he had been one of the few people she had been truly honest with. To see him look at her like that after her revelation had hurt her. He hadn’t specifically said the word monster but she could tell he had been thinking it. His body had practically screamed it at her, taunting her.  
Steve’s words had hit her, knocked all the air out of her. How could anyone ever look at her as though she were anything less than a monster. She had killed innocents. Hundreds upon hundreds of innocent people, many of them with families, many of them children and all because he was the black widow. How could a title be worth all of that.

As if he could read her thoughts Steve started rubbing small circles across her hand. “Natasha those hands may have hurt people but they’ve helped people too, far more people than you’ll ever know.” He gave her a half grin “you helped save the world Nat that’s gotta count for something.”

She had no energy left to protest, no energy left to fight. Even if she wanted to go downstairs she doubted that she had enough strength to make it past the threshold. 

Resigning herself to spending the rest of the night up in the room she swung herself onto the bed and burrowed under the duvet as Steve mirrored her. She loved this room. It was one of the first homely places that she had seen in her life, first finding it when Clint and saved her life for the first time. It was one of her few safe places where she could break down. It was a miracle she could even show it to Steve.

Eventually they were both lying in bed together. Steve had long since got over his awkwardness of sharing a bed with her, it having happened all too frequently during missions.

When they were finally both asleep after a lot of brooding Laura Barton poked her head through the door, smiling at the sight of the solider and the spy embracing. Despite Natasha’s love is for children mentality these two had something special, something that couldn’t be replicated, couldn’t be forced and she hoped that in the face of uncertainty that they could hang on to that one precious thing. They deserved that much at least.

4.

It’s been a few weeks. It feels like so much longer. How could she have gone from lying on her comfortable bed to lying on this rickety, wooden contraption in just three weeks. It’s almost behind belief.

She’s had that sort of change before of course, missions- countless last minute missions that have required her to rush off likes this but with those there had always been the comfort of returning to her normal life afterwards, always been the comfort of knowing that she didn’t always have to like like this. 

Now she has no such thing. She’s made her choice, chosen her side and this has led her to this. She doesn’t regret her decision but her mind seems like it’s wired to wonder about the what ifs. They were the things that would drive her to insanity.

The bed was as hard as rocks, just like her company although he was hard in a very different part of his anatomy. She wasn’t sure at what stage that had started sharing a bed, started a habit that seemed to confirm their status as an actual couple but it’s comforting nonetheless. He’s the only constant in her life at the moment.

A new city every day, changing cars, avoiding security cameras, paying with cash-it’s all routine to her. She had developed those habits years ago but her life hasn’t depended on them for quite some time. She’s used to it though, it takes her back to the days when everything was so much more simple, the lines more clear cut. She had known which side she was on.

She’s coping with the pressure though. Taking her life into her own hands is something that she’s totally at peace with. At least then if anything were to happen to her it would be here fault. There would be no one that would blame themselves.

Even Steve, as much as she likes him knows that he isn’t to be a hero to her. She’s well capable of looking after herself and they both know that they need to try and stay impartial in battle, stay focused.

Even so they still enjoy each other’s company, both in everyday life and in special moments, made for just the two of them. Wanda and Sam have long since known about their relationship and now, after the wall there’s no one else left to tell.

She can’t trust Clint with anything. He’s already struggling to stay with his family, the last thing he needs is to get caught keeping Natasha Romanoffs secrets. His family is his priority and staying with them his goal.

Steve entered the room, towel tied around his waist, shirtless. She can appreciate that at least, the muscles that seem to balance out his body, make his build look normal. Long ago she would have scolded herself for looking at him like this, like Eve and the forbidden fruit but now that they’re together she can’t stop, almost as though she’s making up for all the lost glances of the past.

She can tell what he wants and it almost makes her laugh. Gone is the Steve who treated her like a china doll at times like this. He had acted like he thought she would break. Now he was just as keen as her.

He begins to kiss her neck and she pushes him away, giggling. “There’s no way this is happening tonight, not in this place.”

He sighs but accepts her decision. That’s another thing she’s not used to, his respect for her body. Most of the men shes been with have sought to own her, to dominate her body. The fact that she has a say is foreign to her.

She pats the bed, inviting him to sit down and he complies. She’s not particularly keen on sleep but they both need it so an early night may be welcome

They both curl into each other. It’s a habit by now, something that happens to frequently to be a decision. It’s a reflex now and they both love it.

She’s the first one to feel drowsy. He’s too alert, always looking for threats whereas she can relax a little with him to help decrease the burden of watching. Before she lets sleep take her she double checks that the gun is at the side if the bed, it wouldn’t do for her to be without it.

It’s there as always and the sight of it relaxes her further, at least they have some sort of security measure in place, their relationship hasn’t made them totally careless.

Just as she’s beginning to nod off she sees his eyes staring at her, memorising every little detail in her face as though it was a painting, as though he wanted to remember every detail. 

She thinks she might just love him. 

5.

He can’t believe this. He had been so sure that they would win. They’ve defeated so many villains, fought so many battles. His had this one been any different. It had been the old cliche-a villain from space wanting to rule the earth.

There had even been more of them this time. Alliances had been formed, they had all been fighting against a common enemy- Thanos. It had been the perfect combination. How could it have failed?

It was so unfair. They had risked everything to stop him, risked their lives, risked their freedom all to stop him. The fact that they were now pardoned by the US government was a small compensation. This was the same government that had ruthlessly hunted them down, that had turned their backs on them even after all they had done for the world. He doesn’t hold much hope for them being treated equally again. The very men who had been so vehemently against them had been lucky, they had survived.

She knew what he was thinking of course, she always did and before he could even utter a word, even open his mouth she says “it’s not your fault Steve.”

They’re lying in bed together, one of the few things that hasn’t changed after the snap. How could simple habits have survived all that has happened. Her words cut him deep he knows that she means well but when he looks at himself all he can see is failure. 

Despite all of this he’s exhausted- both emotionally and physically and it shows. He’s got bags under his eyes and he swears that he’s developing wrinkles. Grief has aged him. Natasha reached up to touch his face and keeps going until she’s massaging his whole head. As stubborn as he is he can feel himself losing the battle to sleep. Losing is becoming a habit.

When he’s finally drowsy she moves to her normal position- curled up against his chest. They sleep like this every night now, not caring what anyone thinks. There’s a realisation in it that life’s too short to deny themselves this.

They both sleep well.

+1.

They’re both thrilled, so incredibly happy. They’ve done it. Everyone is safe and secure and Thanos is gone. It feels like a dream.

Their relationship had gone through some struggles over the past few years but it’s came out stronger than ever. They’ve given up everything to try and save the world and Steve thinks it’s high time that they have some alone time.

Natasha seems his thoughts as she motions towards the shower. He was old fashioned, had a particular way of doing things but she’s taught him exactly what place his old fashioned ideas have in the modern world. He’s finally learning. 

They’re both so keen to get each other’s clothes off that the garments go flying. They had been at a party, a celebration of their victory but they haven’t been able to keep their hands off each other all evening and it’s this that’s led them here.

He doesn’t usually take control, she’s the dominant one and normally he’s fine with it, lets her away with anything but today he’s insistent. Pulling her away from the shower they land on the bed with a heavy thud and she looks up at him, playfulness shining in her green irises. He may have chosen the place but she’s still in control.

They’re both ready for it, they haven’t felt this euphoric in a long while and are both so tired of the sadness that had swept over them the moment that they were done.

He finally gives in to her, to what he wants, to love and most importantly to what feels right. It’s what he’s done his whole life, fought for what he believed in, for what he thought to be right. He isn’t going to change now.

It’s pure bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed it. Please leave me a comment to let me know how I did or leave a prompt.


End file.
